# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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