Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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