we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I love you.
Bad choice
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
