Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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