I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
