glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
