Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
