Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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