Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
