i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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