That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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