Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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