In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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