ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
