The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
