Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
