i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
