Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
