I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
