I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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