i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
