the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
