Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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