turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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