its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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