I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
