we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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