In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have tasted many bathrooms
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
