He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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