I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
