they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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