well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you mean i was at the winter classic?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
