Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
