Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
