Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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