ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
