I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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