and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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