According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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