Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i believe in u and ur pee
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
