id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
