I CAN MOONWALK!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
