She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
