sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
