Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
