my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
