i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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