She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
