some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
