Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
