At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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